Once a meanie, ALWAYS a meanie???

I admit it.  I am excited about seeing the sequel to this movie classic. Aren’t you?!

High School Movie Classic

High School Movie Classic

If I am honest, however, I am more interested in the thoughts the remake has provoked.  Do the mean girls REAlly stay mean?  I think it depends on what life has dished out.  I mean just look at the title people….Mean Moms.  It is easy to be a self-centered narcissist in high school, but most of us transcend into the exact opposite once that “little bundle of joy” arrives.  Why the italics?  Well, because that sweet little euphemism is dripping with sarcasm!  If you aren’t a mother to a teen, or have already been privileged to raise such a beast, you just have no clue.  That in and of itself will turn you into a mean, grumpy, ‘ol troll.  But I digress…sigh…

I wasn’t the mean girl.  I was the recipient of such cruelty until 6th grade.  It sucked.  Thankfully, things changed enough that by the end of middle school I was pretty well-adjusted.  I can even say that I enjoyed most parts of middle and high school. Yet, I can tell you first hand that the mean girls still existed and others weren’t so lucky. In fact, many of the other girls transferred to another school. Heck , even I did temporarily!  Honestly,  it was the best thing I ever did.  It’s amazing what a fresh start, coinciding with the transformation only puberty can provide, will do for a gal.

As if scripted from the same movie, I can also tell you a good deal of torment was at the hands of a “RING LEADER” who was fueled by her own mother.  However, that Karma Bus may not hit on your time schedule, but it hits.  Always does.   I should have been happy to hear it.  My former teenage self would have “danced a jig in the street” with delight.  But I wasn’t.  I am a mom.  She is a mom.  Poor thing got her “just dessert” at the expense of her own daughter.  A daughter who is both physically and inwardly beautiful.  A daughter she loves.  Luckily, a change in schools did the trick for her as well.

As mothers we need to be mindful not to foster such behavior in our little darlings.  Be sad if little Suzie Q gets cheer captain; just don’t bad-mouth her.  Tell your kid to congratulate her.  Teach character, kindness and compassion.  If a new girl enrolls at her school, tell her to use her popularity to help the student make an easier transition into acceptance.  Have a zero tolerance for bullying. Zero!  And for goodness sakes, if you are the Mean Mom, STOP!  That karma bus maybe temporarily running over someone else, but it is coming…eventually.

Life is short…way too short to be mean.  So grab some popcorn, enjoy the hilarious comedy and take comfort in knowing some mean girls grow up to be Great Moms!

Cancer Is An Ugly Beast!

I make no apologies for being mad…at cancer…at life…at circumstances!  I am angry.  I am scared.  I have been robbed.  But it didn’t start with cancer.  It started with something much more common:  DIVORCE.

Cancer

Cancer

Yep.  That’s right.  First, divorce and all the raw emotions coupled with hateful animosity rolled up into one giant ball of “the kid suffers the most” happened.  Then, after an adult trying to mend the past and desperately  forging a father/child relationship experienced success, the unforeseen enemy stuck:  CANCER.

I stuck my head in the sand.  I screamed at its unfairness.  I hoped for a miracle.  I DESERVE it damnit.  I  NEED it damnit.  I was short-changed.  I EXPECT more time.  I didn’t get “warm, fuzzy, crawl in your daddy’s lap time!”

I know my cries are as pitiful as the next cancer victim’s relative.  I know I am no more special than the others.  However, if you are the praying kind, pray hard.  Pray for me.  Pray for my father…my brothers…my step-mother.  Pray for all the rest in the world suffering with the same affliction.  Pray for HOPE.  Pray for COMFORT.  Pray for a CURE.

It May Not Be Winter, But I Feel Like Hibernating!

I know.  I know. I am not a bear BUT…!  Negative Nellie has got a hold of me and won’t let go! Here lately I just can’t get motivated.  Everything that can go wrong has.  If I am honest, most days I hate the commitments, the responsibilities…heck even people!  So winter, with all its solitude and seclusion, is looking pretty good my peeps.

Winter Love

Winter Love

Then the guilt sets in this little spoiled rotten brain of mine.  I mean my own dad has freaking CANCER!  On top of that the song lyrics, “You’re gonna miss this.  You’re gonna want this back” echoes so loudly in my head it is almost deafening at times.  But, you know how it is…we all get caught up in our own little world, our own petty problems and have ourselves a good ol’ pity party.

However, most of us DO over-commit ourselves and our children. Many of us live vicariously THROUGH our children.  Such psychosis gave BIRTH to all year sports and travel teams.  Forget that we have kids with adult-like overuse injuries and massive burn out rates BEFORE they even get to high school, where they could be recruited for that much sought after and ever elusive college scholarship.  What about the poor parents?  Some of them haven’t had a date night or a romantic vacay in years…maybe even a decade or more….depending on their procreation rate.  Heck, I’ve been doing it for over 25 years myself!  But that’s what you get when you almost have a liter of puppies…LOL

So, if you are like me, and all you’re gonna do is whine and complain…well, maybe you should break out you bear suit too!  Because really,  who am I kidding?  If my kid has talent, I am going to self-sacrifice to see him/her take it as far as THEY want and can go.

Hunkering down for the cold and fattening up for the winter…Won’t you join me?

 

How A Man Named Murphy Can Ruin Your Beach Trip!

Boy,  has it been a summer of trip disasters!  Hypoglycemia ruined the last two days of our anniversary trip to Mexico and led to epic anxiety attacks on my trip home to visit family in Mississippi, turning a 4 hour ride into almost 6!  So, I really needed the family beach vacation to go well.  However, a man named Murphy changed all that…and I don’t even pick up hitchhikers for crying out loud!

Southern Ingenuity

Southern Ingenuity

But just take a look at the pic people!  Does that look like poor packing?  Does it look staged for comic effect?  I can assure you I am an excellent packer and nothing about this trip has been funny so far!  Nope.  Bad luck has ruled this vacay!  Murphy’s Law, “If it can go wrong, it will,” has governed us all…

It all started with the air conditioner all but dying on us halfway to Gulf Shores…a 5 1/2 hour drive my peeps…in 100* heat!  Thank goodness I am a quick thinker and am a slave to sleeping with a box fan!  Of course, none of this southern ingenuity would have been possible without GMC adding the 110 outlet feature…so thanks for the help since the new car has a shitty AC!!!

Despite the challenges, we finally made it to the beach after the dang GPS took us on a 20 minute detour…Don’t even think about judging me even though I have made this trip numerous times!  My nerves were shot, I had sweat through all my clothes, it was almost dark and I had been trapped in a car with a farting 8 year old and two giggly, 12 year old girls!  

I tortured us a little further by stopping at Publix.  Dreading the necessary chore seemed worse.   To my surprise, it was painless.  The kiddos were really good.  They are never that good grocery shopping, so I should have known better…

Somehow, after purchasing enough groceries to feed two families for weeks, cramming them into every nook, cranny and crack in my overcrowded car, we arrived at  the condo to unload it all….doesn’t that sound like a fun way to end the day?  I just wanted it to be done. I wanted a good night’s sleep and a fresh start in the morning.  Did I get that?  Heck no…that man named Murphy came calling again before night fall!

The kids were starving, and despite having tons of food, we went out to eat.  I was tired…sue me.  The wait was short thank goodness, which is rare with the summer crowds.  I foolishly thought Lady Luck was smiling upon us.  Nope.  On the way to the table, I tripped going up the stairs!  Oh, the deafening sound of gasps from a restaurant full of diners!  Humiliated, I slithered off to the shelter of our corner booth, assuring all I was ok.  We ate, paid and left…right before the restaurant closed.  Yay!  Nope.  My child informed me at the condo that she had left her iPhone in the booth. Holy Hell…I had a meltdown!  I called and cursed my husband for not coming with us and cried myself to sleep.  Desperately, I clung to his midnight promises that all would be better tomorrow…

He lied!  We went to the beach and found a jellyfish invasion had moved in overnight!  Seriously, people, I now know where they got the idea for the scene in NEMO!  They were everywhere…in the water, on the beach, and wrapped around numerous children’s appendages.  Oh, the wails of injured children!  Of course, we were not spared!  My child’s friend was stung…but thank goodness she was old enough to keep it together and suffer silently.  Beach day over!  We headed back to the condo for Nurse Lacey to work wonders after Googling home remedies.

All was well and cereal bowls were filled…with Cocoa Krispies…which make milk turn to chocolate.  Yep, the 8 year old spilled it everywhere! Have you ever tried to get soggy, little “krispies” off the wall and out of tile grout?!  It ain’t fun! It wasn’t my last chocolate milk episode either…  Later on at dinner he spilled two more glasses in the restaurant!  I want that man Murphy arrested at this point.

I wish I could say that was the end.  However, in between the cereal event and the milk at dinner, we had a little visit from the police at the condo…while I was in the shower!  The sight of my frightened brood summoning me for questioning caused me to abandon modesty and embarrassment… I just answered the door dripping wet, wrapped in a beach towel.  Tears welled in my eyes as I inquired about the reason for their visit.  It was then I learned that while I was tidying the condo and washing clothes earlier and the kids hung out on the balcony, one of my little “lovelies” had crossed over the railing onto a shed roof to retrieve a shoe!  No one was hurt…but it was reported…. because it could have been worse than tragic!  I broke down…I apologized…we were all warned.

My husband left at 6 am and walked through the condo door before noon.  Murphy hasn’t been seen since!

How Back-To-School Shopping Can Send You To The Looney Bin

Never mind the 2 page supply list for each child you have.  Forget the summer reading and the countless questions they must answer over the summer.  What sends me into a tail spin quicker than a little ol’ garden snake lurking in my bed of roses is shopping for school clothes with my daughter!  My son?  Easy like Sunday morning.  Her?  Well, just look at her…with her Big Sissy…the pic describes them both perfectly.  One. Hot. Mess.

My Girls

My Girls

Then you add in 40-something hormones mingled with a heaping dose of ADD and OCD, and it is a recipe for an epic meltdown!… Did I mention we BOTH have ADD?  OK…just making sure you got that 411 so that you can ooze with empathy as I rant.

The first problem is that girls must have multiple pairs of shoes for different  outfits and activities.  There’s the obvious need for new tennis shoes for gym and the endless number of Under Continue reading

My Puppy Is NOT On The Lunch Menu!

Yesterday I morphed back into a 15 year old and slept until 12:40 pm!  I couldn’t believe my eyes when I checked my phone for the time.  The scary part was that the hubby had to wake me from my slumber at that indecent hour.  If someone had slapped a million bucks on the table, told me it was mine if I could guess the time, I would have sworn it was the middle of the night because my limbs were so heavy and my mind so groggy!  But, I guess that’s what you get when you are old and try to celebrate until the wee hours of the morning…

Not A Scooby Snack

Not A Scooby Snack

Of course, as soon as my feet hit the floor, our Shih Tzu Mollie came running.  Wagging her tail and whining, she begged to be let out.  Selfishly, I forced her to wait as I made my own trip to the potty.  That sweet thing waited patiently.  Did I tell you she is adorable?  That she has melted my dang hard heart that once SWORE I would never have a pet in my home?  That I love her so deeply that I will be devastated when she leaves up for puppy heaven?  I know it sounds crazy…unless you love a pet too.

But I digress…

Once I finished my business, she raced for the familiar door.  But I had just seen our jealous cat, Sadie, lurking.  I love that cat too, but she likes to terrorize Mollie.  Trying to avoid that whole scenario, I walked to the front door instead and coaxed, “You need to go outside, Mollie” in that familiar high-pitched baby voice used to train her.  Immediately, she spun around, changed her course and bolted to the front door.  Once opened, she shot down the massive set of steps with lightning speed, circled the furthest grass patch she could find, and did her business.

During this whole ritual of hers, I gazed at the clear sky above feeling betrayed by the weather.  Yesterday, when I needed it to be bright and sunny, it was gloomy and rainy.  Literally, it rained on our parade…or rather our boat ride home from watching fireworks shot over Lake Guntersville.  People, it rained so freaking hard that my husband could barely see to drive and rain drops stung like needles!

Then an instinctive sense of danger only a mother knows snapped me from my wandering  thoughts.  Panicked, I scanned above me.  I saw nothing straight ahead; however, something urged me further down the steps to broaden my view of the expansive sky.  That’s when I saw the hawk in its descent, making a bee-line straight for my little bundle of fur. If he thought she was lunch, he was wrong!  Not on my damn watch!  Frantically, I raced down the steps out onto the lawn, narrowly avoiding the tangled mess of hose left out to send me sprawling by one of my lazy children. As I got closer, I prayed she didn’t run from me, thinking I wanted to play chase.  But I guess I scared the shit out of her by running so fast that she just dropped to the ground.

Quickly, I scooped her up in rescue and bolted up the steps to safety!  But I ain’t gonna lie people….As I ran with my back to the predator, all I could envision was huge talons coming in for the kill…talons sunk into my own back because I had its meal!  Thank goodness I was wrong!  I slammed the door behind us sweating from the adrenaline rush and sank to the floor with relief.

One thing’s for sure, I was NOT tired and groggy anymore!

How Hormones Make Hubby A Jailbird!

So the whole vacation thing hasn’t gotten off to a great start… My husband probably wants to abandon my hormonal ass on the roadside and go without me!  Heck, I would if the roles were reversed! As usual, he was quiet and holding his tongue. However,  I’m pretty sure he was daydreaming about ways he could “off” me and not get caught with the way I was acting!

Law Breaker

Law Breaker

Luckily, though,  he holds a an ever-elusive-for-me virtue: patience.

It’s the dang hormones people! Nature’s cruel joke on us women… Except I ain’t laughing. In fact I dang near cried in front of a BOJANGLES moments ago! Why? Well, your guess is as good as mine! All I know is I was having an epic, peri menopausal anxiety attack . The ones that make me want to strip down and run around naked like a crazy woman. The ones that’s feel like my skin is crawling, and I. HAVE. TO. GET. OUT. NOW!

Somehow I managed to stay clothed, found a happy pill, and made it inside the restaurant to feed my hormonal cravings  for calorie-filed and carb-laden foods. BIG. MISTAKE.

We hadn’t made it 5 miles down the road before my digestive system cried foul and forced us to pull over for a pit stop.  Girls, you know just how happy that made my man. He was trying to be sweet and accommodating, but I could see the steam rising…

I ain’t gonna lie girlfriends. I barely made it.  And sadly, it was only one of two pit stops the hubby had to endure. Curse you Eve! Was that freaking apple really worth it?!  For the love of all that’ s holy and good, I don’t know if I can survive menopause.  Hell, right now I don’t know if I can survive this trip! So if I come up missing, look in Cancun and go light on my man. I probably deserved it!